Advances them right into the shitter, that is.
You see, it used to be you had to take someone's word that you were a child's father.* But now, just follow the simple directions, swab your mouth and the child's, and in seven days you'll have an answer.**
Turns out, there are all kinds of these things available, most costing around $150. Check out the smiliing face on this guy. i wonder what he just found out. [imaginary product testimonial]:
For 25 years I've treated my wife like she was a lying whore who fucked every guy on the block. And that kid?! No way did I think she was mine. But now, with the advances in modern DNA testing, I know I was wrong all along. Look how happy they are that my trust in them is restored!
I like how this one shows the woman doing the test.
Well, we had some doubts that the baby really was hers. I mean, my wife says it came out of her and all, and tried to show me her stitches and stuff, but I wasn't there to see any of that, and you never know. With the DNA test, it's all clear now!
That was the site that has says:
GeneTree's easy-to-use DNA collection kit allows you to simply swab the inside of the mouth of the child and the alleged father. Mother's participation is optional, but strongly suggested.
Strongly suggested is right. Wonder how the little lady would respond to discovering that hubby has been harboring doubts and sneaking around taking samples here and there. Because:
DNA can also be extracted from items such as hair roots, toothbrushes, disposable razors, or dried biological fluids, such as blood or saliva.
This is what that priest dude from the Thornbirds needed. Then he could have avoided all the homoerotic surfing stuff and talked "father to son" to his kid about the priesthood.
"We make it easy for you to get answers to your sensitive DNA questions..."
and
"Motherless Paternity - up to 2 children and alleged father" test.
Home DNA kits, because nothing advances a relationship like trust! Just ask these happy people!
*part of an actual commercial I heard while listening to Rush Limbaugh today.
**slightly paraphrased
Posted by binky at September 22, 2005 03:09 PM | TrackBack | Posted to Culture
