John Cole finds someone - who Cole suggests should be nominated for stupidest quotes of 2005 - who is frothing at the lack of anti-gay campaigns, as we have against smoking. Cole's response?
Posted by binky at December 15, 2005 09:38 AM | TrackBack | Posted to You Can't Make This Stuff UpI hope Cliff and his buddies act fast, because although I have been interested in women my entire life, without quick action by the media in the form of an anti-gay lifestyle campaign, I might catch a nasty and deadly case of the “gay.” Last night I almost watched an old episode of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” but thankfully came to my senses and decided to watch the much more heterosexual “Boston Legal.” But for fate, I might have started to get addicted to the gay lifestyle.
You can’t make this shit up.
Moon,
You've got a point there (a funny one). But really, don't hetero guys watch Queer Eye so that they can do better with women? So why would guys watch Boston Legal, after all it is the Melrose Place of the law firm shows? I mean I know it's not quite as gay as Ally McBeal, and it's certainly not nearly as gay as Judging Amy, but it's not exactly law and order, here. To return to my brother's point yesterday regarding the distortions of Hollywood, most lawyers aren't attractive. Greta Van Sustren: not attractice. F. Lee Bailey: not attractive. Robert Shapiro: not attractive. And Marcia Clark isn't exactly beating guys off with a stick. The only real, attractive lawyers are already on contract with Court TV. And of course, Candice Bergan: not attractive, so that fits. But we can't ignore the fact that I've been told many times I remind people of James Spader. And the only conclusion we can draw from this is that James Spader is as attractive as it gets. There obviously isn't a higher attractiveness orbit here, Spader must be the exosphere of attractiveness orbits. Ergo, we must conclude that anyone who chooses to watch a legal show with a man that attractive on it when the alternative is law and order with Sam Waterston (again, not attractive) may at least at a subconscious level be getting towards the middle of the heterosexual-homosexual continuum. And you may protest that there might have been a time when law and order was not on so he did not have that alternative, but keep it real, we all know that no such time exists.
maybe the guys just magnetize to anything involving spader because where spader goes, there goes the kinky sex. i mean, the man's career tells no lies; he's been getting the good stuff since less than zero.
as for lawyers being attractive, i'm going to have to disagree. i encounter plenty of superficially lovely attorneys here in pittsburgh's attorney ghetto. the problem isn't their looks: it's finding one you can actually stand to sit across for an hour or two at a nice restaurant that's the rub.
Posted by: moon at December 15, 2005 01:45 PM | PERMALINK