Bloodless Coup

A List! We Have A List! Who To Blame for the Decline Of Western Civilization!

Now we can name names:

The next morning, Mr. Luce led the crowd in an exercise in which they wrote on scraps of paper all the negative cultural influences, brand names, products and television shows that they planned to excise from their lives. Again they streamed down the aisles, this time to throw away the "cultural garbage."

Trash cans filled with folded pieces of paper on which the teenagers had scribbled things like Ryan Seacrest, Louis Vuitton, "Gilmore Girls," "Days of Our Lives," Iron Maiden, Harry Potter, "need for a boyfriend" and "my perfect teeth obsession." One had written in tiny letters: "fornication."

Now we know. When America goes down the cultural shitter, we can blame soap operas, heavy metal (gee, PMRC never died, did it?), good leather, fictional magical boys, and fucking. I had no idea. Well, I suppose we always new Vuitton was up to no good: he was such a shifty bastard. I'm not surprised he's trying to ruin everything.

The context of this is a NYT article with the headline "Evangelicals Fear the Loss of their Teenagers," and the story describes a recent (disputed) study that finds that only 4% of Christian teenagers are likely to remain Christian as they grow up. This statistic is causing panic among Christian parents, who fear losing their children (whom they have worked so hard to isolate from the rest of society in order to save their souls). As a consequence of this, there is a rising tide of "Pop Culture" Christian gatherings (my phrase), where an evangelical religious message is combined with all the "popular" elements of today's culture: music, videos, stage shows (with pyro!), and other theatrics. It is hoped that this will stave off armegeddon.

I suppose one way of keeping the faith would be for evangelicals to practice more Christian values, like loving their neighbor, forgiveness, charity, and service. And perhaps less non-Christian values like hate, division, persecution, fear and isolation. That way, living a worthy and lauditory lifestyle, with charity and compassion for all, you'll encourage more people (young and old) to follow in those footsteps.

Naw. It's probably easier to ban Harry Potter.

(The irony here is that, as I compose this, I'm listening to the new Iron Maiden, which is their strongest release in years. I don't feel satanic. Is that tingly, or more of a burning sensation?)

Posted by baltar at October 6, 2006 09:36 AM | TrackBack | Posted to Crunchy Nutbars | Culture | Religion